I had a 21 year old hit up on me. That had never happened before. I always did the pursuing. But I let my fear of rejection over ride my reason. And cancelled first meeting. He lost interest. But I did not find that out for several weeks. After he went back to his ex. It hurt like a bitch. But we were not dating. Anyway he graduated got a good job and moved back home to Snohomish. I tell all that I date. After the third date I tell them if they want out to tell me outright and not ignore me thinking I’ll get the hint. As far as Chris, well he had a third party tell me. We talk now like nothing happened. Although no longer single. In hindsight the clues were there. He stopped using smileys, and terms of endearment. And one or two others. I missed them initially. So I realized that I HAD MY CHANCE but blew it. AS USUAL. Then spent the next four or five days crying myself to sleep.
Friends are sympathetic “Don’t Worry Mark! There is someone out there for you”. Shit I’m 46 Years Old. I have never had the Long Term Relationships Never. Flings Yes, LTR’s no. I knew long ago when I was warned that my behavior in a social setting would still be severely impaired if I did not take Rehabilitation. The Insurance companies refuse to pay for it. They don’t consider ADHD a mental health problem. And. This is the result. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha my score 0 and 11. The guys I did date were not cruel. They simply did not know how to handle me undedicated. Stimulants will keep you awake at night if taken too closely to bed time. Dr. Lewis won’t increase the dosage. 30mg twice daily has become insufficient. I used to take Concerta LTR. But ONCE AGAIN this asshole insurance companies say try a less effective drug first. Six years later and they still are being tight wadded.
Well there it is. I don’t have to tell you what I’m like without Meds. You experience it first hand. Though the Adderall does temper the behavior. So they say I can handle it. And then three months later they walk right back out. mark.w.noonan.
ADHD and Lovers
Journal Entry 3️⃣ (c)05/27/2016
Well Let’s hope that I do FEEL and SEE the LIGHT at the end of this miserable Cycle of DEPRESSION. Sometimes I wish that there were an all cure for clinical Depression. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors only do so much. They are pretty good at keeping the duration and frequency of the depression does happen all I can do is wait and endure. It’s like I’m the USS Haleakala in typhoon tossed seas. NOT FUN IN THE LEAST. So
THANK GOD FOR DOCTORS AND SSRI ANTI DEPRESSANTS. Otherwise I’d BE SCREWED WITH EVERYONE ELSE who suffers from clinical depression.
LAST ENTRY TILL TUESDAY
MAY 31, 2016